If only hell were real....paradise....

Single

2006-01-24T21:47:00.000-05:00

Here I am 14 years old. I am single. I don't have a boyfriend. I haven't had a boyfriend since last year. I look in the mirror and I honestly have to admit, I see a better person compared to last year. My personality changed. Maybe I'm annoying, I bet there's a lot of people who are two face with me and talk about me behind my back, just like I do. I'm the biggest two-faced bitch ever, end of story. Anyway, I wonder why I'm single. I was close to having a realtionship this year, but it dissolved away. I like somebody a lot now. I wish I didn't, cause I know I'm only in for heart break. I've never experienced heart break, aren't I lucky. Screw this shit, I'm outtie.

OVer n out

Noir

Hoya!

2006-01-24T21:36:00.000-05:00

Long time no see!
I still like myspace better.
Shame on me
I'm a pathetic loser currently.
I hate me.
Bah!
I am grumpy.
I am writing, but I do not know what to write.
I love somebody.
Well, not love,
but close enough
this is gonna be a long post.
No, not like a lot of word.
Just long
in length
Shya.
This is gay.
I have other things to remind me of my eigth grade year.
This is solely for my gay ass seventh grade drama.
Heh, drama.
What drama?
That was bunch of bull.
Bah, this year is better.
I was retarded last year.
I hate the last year's me.
I hate this years me.
Hn.
Ladedadeda
I still don't know what to write.
I hate school
it's gay
like everything else.
Valentines day is coming up!
Haroo.
I'm single
Boohoo
And desperate
Boohoohoo
And lonely
Boohoohoohoo
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
SCREW THE WORLD AND ALL ITS PEOPLE!!!@#$%^&^%$#%^&
Just felt like saying that.
My mom is watching a movie
and it sounds very violent.
Ok I quit
I'm fired

Over n Out

Noir

Well......

2005-10-23T16:41:00.000-04:00

Everyone has officially ditched their blogs for myspace, including myself. I kinda missed this old thing, but at the same time, it was kinda a pain in the ass having to update it all the time for people to know what was going on. I'm reading some of my old entries, and god was I retarded! Ha, I still am, cause next year, I'm gonna look at this post and say I was a retard this year. I'm just rambling on and reminiscing about the joys and horrors of being a sevie. I think I must've been more attractive last year, nobody likes me now =(((

Wallowing

Noir

Missing You

2005-08-24T08:15:00.000-04:00

I wish you knew who you were, I wrote this to you sometime ago.

Forgetting your face,
I can not see you anymore,
nor do I hear your voice;
and yet somehow,
I still love you.
You've only been gone
for a couple of days
and nights,
yet it feels like
I haven't touched you
for a century.
I miss you.
Please,
I want to hear your voice,
sing me a song, chat with me.
I want your embrace,
hug me and hold me.
I want to taste your lips,
kiss me,
so that we can forget
about the world
and everything
but ourselves.
I never want to forget you,
leave you,
lose grip.
I miss you

I'm back

2005-08-21T19:00:00.000-04:00

My therapist finally talked some sense into my mother and I'm allowed back online! I'm even allowed to use this blog once again! I was just gonna keep this old bloggy as a time capsule and read it in 5 years and realize how stupid I was. Anyway, I'm way happier that I'm allowed online, and I'm even allowed to be friends with Mandi again! Did you know that my mom was blaming my old habit on Mandi? That pisses me off.

Well, people might have noticed that I have changed this year. Infact, even a retarded rock could figure out that I have changed. I guess my outlook life changed. I guess I can feel better about myself. The stupid thing is, my folks don't understand that I don't need help, I never did. They don't understand that I have only gone crying to 3 people, one of the persons probably didn't understand what was going on, I don't think they cared, I was stupid. They don't understand that I talk to my friends, my parents aren't my friends, they're just my folks and that's the way I'll always see them.

Kinda weird that I don't have more to say,

Over n out,

Noir

2005-06-22T15:51:00.000-04:00

I'm back! Not really, I'm not allowed to do anymore blogging. Good bye!

Over n out (for real this time)

Noir

Leaving

2005-06-11T19:01:00.000-04:00

I'm letting you all know that I won't be online for a very long time. My parents have found out that I am a recovering cutter and they are restricting me from using the computer or my cell tphone for a while. If you wish to contact me, please call my house phone, but after the end of this month, the number will change which I will give to those who I trust with my new digits.

Goodbye for a while,

Noir

How much does a mail box cost?

2005-06-08T13:17:00.000-04:00

It's so weird. Kristen and I totally ignore each other throughout the school year due to stereotyping, but then we're like best friends again come summer time. Anyway, we went driving around on her golf cart 2 days ago with Melissa and Melissa spilled yogurt in the cart. Then we were all freaking out about the yogurt and none of us were paying attention to the road so we ran into a mailbox and it fell over and cracked the windshield in the cart. We heard this crash and stopped to see that the mailbox went flying off but nobody was there to see us crash into it, so we sped off down my street and hid at my house for a while.

Well I'm stuck cleaning. Call my house so I can waste time.

Over n out

Noir

Luxury

2005-06-05T22:45:00.000-04:00

Ya'kno when I think about it, my life is moving waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay far down. Everything is half. Both my new rooms are half the size of mine now, infact the houses are half the size and half the worth of the house I'm moving out of now. I'll get half the attention (which really isn't a bad thing) from my folks, one pet is at one house and one is at the other. Location sucks at one house, I love where the other house is. People think I'm rich judging by the neighborhood I live in and the houses and crap. And now that I think of it, I would think I was rich too if I was living the way I am now for my whole life. I would do anything to get my bed to my mom's house right now, a sleeping bag isn't the same and neither is the couch.

Well I'm a Kristen's house and spending the night. Call my cell if ya desperately need me, you know the number.

Over n out

Noir

Compliments

2005-06-03T15:09:00.000-04:00

I guess Mandi's right, myself esteem is probably deep in the abyss of the ocean hanging out with tube worms and light-bulb fishy things. I never really take a compliment well. I usually just assume they're sarcastic and end up saying something like "Go screw yourself." Even with adults, I just give a laugh and avoid ever seeing them again. I especially don't take compliments from my friends seriously either. I mean, they are my friends..........I think. They're not just gonna say "Omigod, you're like so ugly! Your nose is screwed up, your eyes are outta line, your hair is so frizzy...." and stuff like that. It's not good to lie but, many people know how much of a liar I am. The one time I decided to answer an opinion truthfully, it didn't turn out so well. Cause if I told the truth every single time I was asked for an opinion, I wouldn't have many friends. It's probably from my own personality that I don't trust so many people with their opinions. They could be liars just like me. I took a mental dysfuntion (personality disorder, a nicer way to put it) test online and it said I'm at high risk for being paranoid and that I should see a doctor about it, w/e. But maybe I am paranoid and have self esteem as low as Basil's stomach hangs (lol, Katie).

Over n out

Noir

UGH!

2005-06-02T13:39:00.000-04:00

I stayed up till about 5 this morning and didn't wake up till just now. Actually, my folks and Moe disturbed me of my sleep a few times and didn't fully wake up until my worst nightmare called: MS. MACCARDLE! I don't even know how to spell her name, but I hate her! She disturbed my rest just to inform me that I didn't qualify for algebra honors anymore and that I'd be placed in advanced. How retarded does she think I am?!? Sorry, but she REALLY bugs me. Anywho, I'm probably gonna be at Moe's tonight and Kate's tomorrow.

Over n out

Noir

Survey

2005-06-01T12:56:00.000-04:00

I decided to do this outta boredom when I read it in Katie's blog:

-->YOUR FRiENDS
Which friend is the....
.: x craziest- Megs, Sharise, Katie, April
.: x sweetest- Kate
.: x prettiest- Keira, Kate
.: x smartest- Kira, Mandi
.: x girly- Lauren
.: x easiest to be grossed out- Lauren
.: x blondest- Keira
.: x honest- Mole
.: x trustworthy- Katie, Mandi, Kate
.: x sporty- Mole
.: x animal lover- Moe
.: x computer genius- Mole
.: x xanga nerd- nobody I know
.: x funniest- Katie, Mandi, Megs
.: x drama person- Me, Mandi, Kira, Ash, Morgan, Brooke, Maira, April, Melanie, Christian......well everyone in my 7th grade drama clss
.: x band person- Katie, Jess, & Ressee
.: x person that always gets their homework done- Kira, Lugu
.: x flirtiest- Lauren, Britt

About your friends and past friends
.: x which friend have you known the longest? Kathleen, Katie, Moe
.: x which friend have you known the least? Probably Dom
.: x who was your first best friend? Kathleen
.: x is he/she still your friend? Kathleen lives in D.C. still, so I don't get to see or talk to her much
.: x which friend do you miss the most? Livvi, Bailee
.: x has one of your best friends ever moved away? nope, I'm the one always moving
.: x who has the most classes with you? Kira, Mandi
.: x pick one friend and tell one of your favorite memories. Katie- CCO, Juri, Conne-kichii, How to squat, OMG there's boys over there!, meal times, rowdie, Shorty, Rawly, Come and get it!, and so on.....

Which one of your buds is most likely to....
.: x be a teacher- Kelly
.: x become a computer person- Mole, Levi
.: x become a stay at home mom- Moe, Kate
.: x live life on the wild side- Ressee, Katie, Megs, Ash
.: x travel all over the world- Lauren, Britt
.: x become famous- Me amd Mandi!! Up there, in lights, we'll be! Oh yeah!
.: x fall in love before 20 - too long of a list
.: x become a sports star- Katie (if limbo-ing is a sport xD)
.: x not go to college- Moe, Jonathan
.: x get married twice- long list
.: x have 4 kids- Moe
.: x be your best friend throughout your whole life- Kate
.: x be at home doing nothing but eating and watching tv- Moe, Jonathan
: x be a serious business person- Kelly, Mandi, Dom, Morgan
: x become someone with a job that helps people- Kelly, Mandi, Morgan,
.: x end up on road rules or real world- Lauren, Mole
.: x copy and paste this survey on their xanga- Uh............I dunno

KIRA IS LOVED!!

2005-05-29T11:08:00.000-04:00

I'm at Moe's house at the moment...... Yesterday all we did was sat was sat around and watched the Sci-Fi Channel Memorial Weekend Movie Marathan, some very interesting movies we watched. Then I brushed out "The Rat's Nest", yes I managed to get out all the knots in Moe's hair. Now Moe is trying to decide what movie to watch the "Oldest Fashion Way Possible." (Don't ask) Nuttin else too special....

Over n out

Noir

So Many Tears

2005-05-27T15:38:00.000-04:00

AAAACK! Yesterday was the last day of school! I'm gonna miss it....................well maybe not, I dunno. I cried in first and second period, then after school when I went to see Mrs. Carlson. I stayed at Kate's house and we watched The Notebook and I was blubbering like a whale through the whole thing. Then when I was watching TV, that one commercial came on with the little girl and her dad and then her wedding and the song "Wind Beneath My Wings" was playing. I never seen a commercial that's made me cry before. Then when I got home, I had a package on my bed from mt grandfolks, and inside was the Annie program framed, which made my cry too. I've been very emotional lately. Well, I'm staying at my mom's this weekend, so call my cell, not home if you need me!

over n out

Noir

New Experience

2005-05-24T19:32:00.000-04:00

My best friend is always so brave for telling the person she likes that she likes him. She's just recently been majorly crushed and was really depressed about it for awhile. I decided to be brave my self and tell the guy I like that I like him. Well I sent him a text message about a week and a half ago, and I never really got a clear answer until this morning, I just assumed he was uninterested. My friend had called him last night and casually brought up the message I had sent him. He said, "I would go out with her, but we're already friends. Dating a friend is like dating your mom." Surprisingly, it didn't hurt as bad as I thought it would. I'm just glad that I can still be friends with him like I had never told him, I liked things better that way. Though I didn't get uber crushed, this will still revolt me from telling my feelings for awhile.

Over n out

Noir

2005-05-23T19:25:00.000-04:00

Yesterday: I got in a huge fight with my dad. It was worse than the at Buffett King. I called my mom to come pick me up and take me to the town house and I slept there for a few hours. Then we went to Sal's which was pretty good and then she had to take me back to the house since there was no where to sleep in the town house.

Today:
1st pd- Continued exams, watched Shark Tale

2nd pd- Yearbooks

3rd pd- Yearbooks, Katie took up almost 3 whole pages!! Watch The Odyssey

4th pd- Yearbooks, got our exam grade and final grade.

5th pd- Talking, passing notes, listening to CD player, yearbooks

6th pd- ate lunch, talked, more yearbook signing

7th pd- Outside for rockets in the soccer field (uber freaky)

8th pd- Talking, passing notes, listening to CD player, yearbooks, silent dynomite

Grrr.... Adam bet me 5 bucks that I can't go another week dressing like a prep

The Stage

2005-05-21T11:13:00.000-04:00

Well yesterday was the cast party and of course, Mandi and I were crying our eyes out. Mandi was crying through the whole thing, but it wasn't till the end of watching the tape when I started crying. We asked Mrs. Carlson if we could visit the stage and she let us. Kira and Christine tagged along (which we didn't like very much). On the way walking to the gym, Mrs. Carlson put her head back and opened up her arms, pretending to be lying down and said, "I love this stage. Nikki, I will never forget that." And I won't either. I can remember and I always will.

It was after our second performance and almost everybody had left the gym. I was on stage laying down with my arms spread out and looking at the lights. Keira, Lauren, and Britt were talking and Mrs. Carlson and Mr. B were talking to Mr. Shelt. As I stared at the lights longer, I felt tears spilling from the corners of my eyes, and Mrs. Carlson asked,"Are you okay?" and I responded,"I love this stage."

Damn, I'm crying just remembering it. People call Mandi and I babies for crying about it. They say it's stupid to cry that it's over and that there will be a new and better play next year, but there's so much more to it than that. There are so many ties with that stage and the play, now it's like those ties are coming undone. Usually, I feel ashamed crying in public, but I guess this is the one thing I feel comfortable crying about in public, no matter how weak and stupid people may think I am.

Over n out

Noir

Talents

2005-05-17T21:36:00.000-04:00

Among all my talents, I'd say acting is my best, but acting isn't only for the stage. You see, I have this friend(we'll call her Sarah) who absolutely hates her other "friend", lets just call her Carly. Well anyways, Carly is always shit talking Sarah to me and making Sarah miserable, and I always tell Sarah what Carly says about her. Now I'm Carly's "friend", I've totally gained her trust and everything, but it's all just an act. Now that I know stuff about Carly, Sarah and I can use the information on Carly against her when needed. Infact, I'm slowly hurting Carly just by knowing who she likes, it's so easy. Can anyone guess who I'm decieving? Who knows, maybe you're the one I'm put an act on for. Nah, I doubt "Carly" will ever read this ;)

Somebody Who Cares

2005-05-14T01:24:00.000-04:00

You!

Yeah, I'm talkin' to you.
Who else is over there?
The one who's making you miserable?
Why are you so sad?
Come here,
talk to me.

Nobody cares for you, eh?
Don't I have enough care in me
to come over to talk to you?

Not enough,
you say?
How selfish of you.

So you really don't think
anyone cares for you?
And all you want is a friend
to care for you,
am I right?

Well then,
I'll be your friend
on one condition,
no more of this
"Nobody gives a shit about me" attitude.
It's annoying and plus,
you have me,
I'll atleast give a rat turd to you.

Ofcourse I'm serious.
I might not care about myself,
but I'll care about you.

No problem.
Now let's go and please,
stop grinning like a doofus
just because I'm the only one
who will come out and say
that I care for you.
Other people care about you too,
not just me,
they just don't say to your face.

Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

2005-05-12T16:47:00.000-04:00

So far, recovery sucks. Rubber bands just aren't the same..........Anywho, today I feel torn into 2 pieces, I don't feel like explaining why. My nails are painted pink.......I don't like it. Well dothing really special happened today, except Mandi and I were laughing our asses off in tech because of the notes we were writing.

Over n out

Noir

Bleeeeeeeeergh

2005-05-11T15:33:00.000-04:00

Unyaaaaaaaaa, I'm so tired -___- I was singing songs from Charlotte's Web all today, then we were reading something on New York City in geography and that reminded me of "NYC", but I won't get all depressed again, I'll save it fo next year. Anyway, what Kira wrote in are last note is bugging the hell outta me. Weird, I have a Frank Sinatra song stuck in my head, the only one I know actually, "Fly Me to the Moon". It's such a pretty song, I love it even though its an oldie.

Over n out

Noir

A New Path

2005-05-10T16:53:00.000-04:00

On the road to recovery, luckily I have a good friend walking beside me. I feel pretty good right now, other than the fact that I look like a total slob infront of the TV wearing soffees, a giant tee and my hair is tied a really shit-ily done bun and eating ice cream straight out of the pint can. I look like one of those middle-aged losers without a job. Medival Times was generaly boring, and the food was just.................eh, weird. Lauren is right, riding home on the bus is so much more different and akward, now Jesse is seriously gross. He was telling me and Lauren about his dick and how we have bigger boobs than most of the girls in school, I feel violated. I can't believe I went out with that freak. Anyway, I'm listening to some band I've never heard of before, and they sound like dying cows. Well,

over n out

Noir

I Will Be Free

2005-05-09T22:26:00.000-04:00

As of tomorrow,

I will be free

Whoooooooo.

2005-05-09T19:39:00.000-04:00

Well today generaly sucked in the beginning. my mom almost caught me w/ the razor and was pressuring me about it, mandi was sad cause i was sad, and i was also sad cause she was sad. then amber and mandi wanted me to throw away my razor but i couldnt cause im attached to it. now my leg burns cause of the stupid new shaving cream and my wrist burns and im got a slight fever from wearing a heavy jacket all day. Anyway, well I'm better now other than that I'm burning all over,

over n out

Noir

I will not lie anymore

2005-05-08T11:39:00.000-04:00

I wan't to tell the truth

Well last night I went to Kristen's party, and for me, it sucked. I totally didn't belong there at all, if you know what I mean. Actually, for once I wished that I was like them, but I guess I can't/ When Kristen's mom dropped me off, I saw my dad's car outside, so I knew he was home. I came inside and yelled that I was home and no one answered me. So I went into the living room and saw my dad half on the floor and partially on the foot rest of our leather chair. I thought it was really funny looking and I wondered how he got like that, guess he was really drunk and tired. Well anyway, I went online and talked to everyone who was on. Mandi was just chatting, Jonathan&Keira were talking to me about Dom and Dom was checking to see if I was still confused. Well, I wasn't confused anymore, I knew I had to break up with him and it hurt me to do so. I really regret calling Christian on Thursday night, because it's not that I believe what he said, but ever since then I was thinking and I felt weird talking to Dom. After everyone signed off, Mandi was still talking, about reatrded stuff. I started reading Confidential Confessions vol. 1, and it gave me this strange desire to pick up my old razor and watch myself bleed, and that's exactly what I did. I hadn't really cut myself for about 3 weeks up until now, but I guess I kinda missed it. These aren't as bad as my older cuts, but they're definately noticable. Anyway, I'm going to see Fever Pitch at 2 with my mom and Kate's family. I'm supposed to be cleaning my room so..

over n out

Noir

2005-05-05T23:11:00.000-04:00

Oh my fucking god! I.............I.....................I'm so............UGH!! I hate this! I don't know how I fucking feel anymore! I just feel like shit! I need to get away from it all! Where am I? I want out of this goddamn place! Help me, save me someone! I hate this so effing much! Today is so shitty. I want to die, I want to die, I want to die! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm seriously gonna go loco soon. I just hate how I don't know I feel! It's so fucking annoying!! AAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGG
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *breathes in* AAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just want to punch something I'm so confused. I feel so lost.............

Never in My Life

2005-05-05T21:33:00.000-04:00

Never in my life,
so cold,
so empty.

Never in my life,
so many emotions at once,
pouring onto my head.

Never in my life,
have I been so alone,
so afraid.

Never in my life,
have I love so many people,
having so many choices.

Never in my life,
have I hated as I do,
crushing each person in my life.

Never in my life,
so ugly,
so lifeless.

Never in my life,
have I really lived.

Confusion

2005-05-04T23:22:00.000-04:00

Just a new poem of mine, enjoy or die >:P

Drowning,
drowning deep down into the depths
of Confusion.

It's dark.
I can't see.
Which way am I heading?
I can't choose where to go.
There's no one here
to help me.

I feel torn.
I feel confused.
I feel lost.
I don't know where to go,
guide me.

I need to float
to the surface.
I need air or else I will

die in Confusion.

Annie

2005-05-04T08:10:00.000-04:00

Well tonight and tomorrow night are the nights of the play that most of us having been working our asses off to put together. I won't be home till about 8:30 pm, I'm not even gonna bother going home and having to come back to school a short while after, so I'm just gonna stay at school. Play Starts at 7 ends at 8:15 tickets are $5 at the door if anyone's interested. That's about it

over n out

Noir

Deviant

2005-04-30T20:41:00.000-04:00

Yay, I finally got an account on DeviantArt!! click the link to check it out!

A Good Day

2005-04-27T19:22:00.000-04:00

Today was fairly decent day, other than the fact that I have a 67 in math, XD. Seeing and talking to him always makes my day so much better :) I flipped the bird to the camera when Mandi was taking a pic of me, I had no idea she already pressed the button. At lunch Katie and I were singing our favorite Blink songs really badly and she at her last animal cracker for a long time T.T I miss CCO, but only about 2 more months till Katie and I can retrieve our hearts where we left them. Well, nothing else too special,

over n out

Noir

2005-04-24T19:49:00.000-04:00

I'm updating just because jii-chan is a nagging old grandma :P

Sick.......

2005-04-19T19:44:00.000-04:00

Ugh! I so do not want to get sick right now! I think I might be coming down with something though, or maybe it's just my allergies. Whatever it is, it's really affecting my voice and the play is coming up soon, O.O and I have almost zero energy so it seems. Blaaaaaaaaaah

over n out

2005-04-17T18:59:00.000-04:00

Wow, I feel so crappy. I haven't taken a shower in 3 days (ick!) and I've probably gotten a total of 6 hours of sleep since friday -__- My allergies are awful and my mom won't shut the flippin windows and my cat is right next to me. *achoooo* Ugh, I don't want to go to school tomorrow, but I doubt my mom would let me stay home. Maybe I can "miss the bus" if my mom leaves for work early.............

over n out

2005-04-14T18:50:00.000-04:00

I feel pretty! Oh so pretty! I feel pretty! and witty! and gay! I feel charming! Oh so charming! Its alarming how charming I feel!!

2005-04-13T23:12:00.000-04:00

wow, i have never been anymore confused in my life.................

The One Who Takes Me Away from Everything

2005-04-12T19:46:00.000-04:00

Everybody,
my family,
my friends,
my peers,
my enemies,
even the people I've never seen before,
they're all here.
They're all surrounding me,
closing in on me.
I can't breathe,
I drift into unconsciousness,
where I dream and escape.
My soul and body seperate.
My soul can't see my body underneath all the bodies.
My soul realizes someone isn't there,
the person most important to me.
My soul returns to my body.
He's finally here,
taking the weight of the world off my shoulders.
We're all alone,
and I feel free.

I Fucking Hate Everything

2005-04-11T19:06:00.000-04:00

I'm just so pissed off at the world, sorry if I'm being a total bitch, but if you were going through some of the shit I am, you'd be a bitch too. Anyway, I wanna be sorry that I made Lauren cry, but sadly enough, I'm not. The only emotions I feel is Anger and Confusion. And all the shit going on at school just makes me even bitchier, so I give you fair warning: Don't mess with me!!!

My Friends Are Retarded......

2005-04-10T21:13:00.000-04:00

I just had to post this:

Noir Yume: o well, next summer, me n my dad are going all over europe, like enlgand, france, austria, italy and germany
Kucu Darling: cool
Kucu Darling: china?
Kucu Darling: wait
Noir Yume: hahaha!
Kucu Darling: thats not in europe
Kucu Darling: lol
Noir Yume: thats in asia retard!!!
Kucu Darling: haha
Noir Yume: lol
Kucu Darling: that hasta go in my pro!

The Good Life

2005-04-09T12:59:00.000-04:00

Kicking back
and watching TV,
stuffing your face with
greasy nuggets from
the nearest fast food joint,
sitting on your ass,
being lazy;
Take a doze,
eat some doughnuts
and inhale your shake,
turn on the fan;
It's all part of the good life.

Whee!!

2005-04-07T18:49:00.000-04:00

I just noticed this today at rehearsal, I got over my fear of singing infront of people!! Whee! That makes me happy. Now I just need to learn how to not let the music distract me. I sound fine when there isnt any music, but for some reason I get all screwed up. Anyway, my horoscope for today and tomorrow are really good (yes i believe in horoscopes, most of them are true, well in my case atleast). Something about a budding romance being taken to the next level for today, and a big career opportunity for tomorrow. Ummm....nothing else that I want to say

over n out

2005-04-05T20:23:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I just wanna lock myself away so that nobody knew anything about me at all. I just want to be left alone...

A Land Where Everything's Ok

2005-04-04T20:05:00.000-04:00

I close my eyes
and find myself in a faraway land,
a land where everything's ok.
Ok,
not horrible or bad,
not good or great,
just ok.

In this land,
I'm all alone.
Alone,
so nobody can bug me,
or even help me;
I need to do things
on my own.

I will learn
so much from being independant:
To stand on my own feet,
to smile without help
and to face the world on my own.

I love the world I see
when I close my eyes,
a land where everything's ok.

Weird

2005-04-04T17:35:00.000-04:00

Is it normal to feel weird around your friends? Well, not really weird but kind of outta place. I mean, If I'm not with Mandi and Kira, I'm usually hanging out with Kate, Keira and the 2 Laurens. I guess because of stereotypes, I feel odd. I don't feel as odd when I'm wearing like a green tank top and some jeans, but Mandi calls me a conformist when I dress like that, but why should I care? Anyway, today I was in all black, baggy black pants and a big band tee. If I were just a random person in the hall way and I saw myself (as in me, not the random person) walking around with Keira and Kate, I would think it looks weird. It's not that I'm embarassed hanging with them, it's just that sometimes I think they think it's weird hafing me around. Sometimes Lauren (J) will drag me around, even if I don't want to go, sometimes I really don't know why she insists on having me around. It's not like I don't like any of them, infact I'm probably closer to Keira than I am Kira. I really don't know, guess I just felt like writing about it....

My other half?

2005-04-03T15:41:00.000-04:00

I saw "Guess Who?" last night, and it was hilarious. But there was this one really romantic part when Ashton Kutcher (i forgot his name in the movie) was talking to Bernie Mack (i forgot his name in the movie too! XD) about his fiance about how she was his other half and how she was everything he wasnt and all this other gushy shit. Anyway, I was thinking of what was missing from me and if I had another half, what that person would be like, not as like a romantic partner or anything but just to meet someone who was everything I'm not.

"Most Everything I'm Not" by me: Noir

There goes that girl again.
Full of confidence
with her head held high,
her shoulders back.

She has so many friends
surrounding her,
loving and caring for her.
How can she breathe?

She's so strong and brave,
never let's her opinion
go away unnoticed.
She fights to the end.

She's full of honor and pride
and never seems down because,
she never lets anything
pull her down.

She has a bright smile and
that laugh that makes other laugh.
She could make anyone feel better
and smile a true smile.

She's beautiful no doubt about it,
which why everyone's drawn to her
in the first place.
Like a flower and a bee.

She has a spell
that makes everybody stick around her
and never want to leave,
her personality and kindness.

She's most everything I'm not
And most everything I want to be.
I'm jealous of this person
who holds what's missing from me.

Eeeeh, actually the more I think about, Moe's kinda like my other half (sorta). Light blonde hair that she keeps like a rat's nest, light blue eyes, caucasion, gets extremely hyper, can't even reach her ankles in the v-sit, falls asleep easily, can be really really quiet when around large groups of people, a total language freak, dresses in light colors, hates scay movies, obsessed with Homura even though she has a boyfriend and so much other stuff. But I guess we're alike in many ways. Whatever,

over n out

This is me

2005-03-31T21:02:00.000-05:00

This is me:
The girl who walks around
with her head held high,
shoulders back and
acting cool and tough.

This is me:
The girl who is a coward
who cries when no one can see,
who's too scared
to weep and sob in public.

This is me:
The girl with the loud voice
on center stage
soaking up the spotlight
and loving her audience's cheers.

This is me:
The girl who locks herself away
with no one to truly trust,
and too shy and meek
to go out and find a friend.

This is me:
The girl who can cheer people up,
an advice giver always there to help
and to calm people down
and make them smile.

This is me:
The girl with no advice for herself,
with no one she really wants to turn to
and truly talk and be understood,
and has no respect for herself.

This is me:
The girl with a goal,
who knows what she wants in life
and is will to do anything
to reach her goal.

This is me:
The girl who's unsure about herself,
who's not sure who she is
and is still digging deep inside
and on a journey to find herself.

Moving

2005-03-30T22:40:00.000-05:00

WAAAH! I don't wanna move!!! I was at the park today having fun and I realized I won't get to do that anymore once I leave! I'll miss everyone: Lauren, Gia, Levi, Chris, Jon, and Kristina. Hell, I'll even miss Nico, Adam, and Tyler! I can do wityhout, Kyle, DJ, Erik, Jordan and the Frosts but I don't wanna leave me friends and sixth grade bitches!! I have no idea where I'm gonna move, but my dad only has me on weekends and holidays, and he's gonna be living in Jupiter or somewhere around there. I have no idea where my mom and I are be moving to though, I just hope it's near people I know, and not out of the Murray and Southfork district. Anyway, I wanted to cry when I came home to see the "For Sale" sign already up, I still feel pretty torn up inside, but I guess I still just be overly happy until I get over things.

My Manga Library

2005-03-30T21:52:00.000-05:00

My manga library is still open, if any one cares. Check out my other blog to see what I've got. If ya wanna check anything out, just ask me at school or post a comment

Question

2005-03-28T20:08:00.000-05:00

Like I'm one to ask this but, what makes a person fall out of love?

I know I've done it myself, but it only took me a month to dig deep and find my true feelings. But 17 years to suddenly realize you don't love the person you've been with? 17 years of everything being perfectly fine and then just one day, March 18 of 2005, they realize they don't love each other. Even after all those years of "I love you"s and a daughter and several pets, they're just gonna divide everything up and have nothing to do with each other. Personally, I find it weird.....

Hating This

2005-03-27T21:18:00.000-05:00

Hating this feeling
The one that comes around,
When you're around.
Hating this feeling
of what I think is love,
the one so "blissfull"
and "glamorous."
Hating this feeling
now.
Hating this feeling
forever.

By: Me, Aku Noir

Easter

2005-03-27T20:22:00.000-05:00

uuuuh, happy easter...............ya. i had to go eat dinner at my grandfolks' friend's house. The lady's daughter was there with her two kids, so of course I had to play the role of babysitter. I love little kids n all but they wear me out in less than an hour, they can never sit still! First they want to color, then play with dolls, then go back to coloring, then play teacher, then color again, then theres playdough(which smells very salty), then they want to go on a bike ride, I just don't see why they can't choose one frickin thing, and stay with it for atleast 10 minutes!! On the ride home, my dad mentioned going to church! ICK! OMFG! I can't believe he even suggested such a retarded waste-of-time good-for-nothing useless event! I wanted to puke, and then dad got all pissed when I said it was a stupid waste of time. Anyway, good news is......................I get my ntbk back! YAY!! But, only for an hour a day cause I've been gettin lots of zeros in classes. I've really been thinking and I know now something I really really really really want, STREAK MY HAIR! Some nice crimson streaks would make me happier than Trip when he got his piece of cake. It's something I've wanted for quite a while now though for two reasons: 1) To stand out and be noticed and 2) Ward off guys. Red means "I gotta boyfriend so back off!" Even, though I'm single and really wants a b/f, I hate it when losers hit on me. Whatever, as everyone knows in less then 2 months.....................SCHOOL IS OUT!!! I can't wait, I'd get to see Teagan and Eli and go to CCO and probably go up to DC to see Kathleen and plus hours of being a bum at home, mall or beach. Me heart summer time.

Blaaaaaaaaah

2005-03-25T11:42:00.000-05:00

Whee! I love being home alone, that way I have more privacy and i can sneak on my comp. I was at Moe's house last nite and we skated for 7 miles and then read manga. I counted and I own a total of 83 mangas!! Thats a lot of money there, ya? I had a dream about a mini concert being held in Moe's bedroom, maybe because I read Gravitation right before bead. GAH! Spring break is a total drag for me. I'm going over to Hannah's today which I hope will add some fun to spring break. I was supposed to go surfing yesterday but dad got called down to Ft Lauderdale to work. Speaking of dad, he said that he would take me with him the next time he goes to London! WAI! I love London so much! I have the feeling I might be moving, but not out of Martin County I think, but people keep on calling about our house and stuff and with the whole divorce idea, I think it's possible. Oh well....

WAI!

2005-03-23T12:17:00.000-05:00

Wai! I'm finally back on, for now atleast. I'm grounded and not supposed to be on the comp but neither of the folks are home so its all good for me. GAAAAAAAAAAH! EW EW EW EW EW EW!!!!! THE FUGGIN MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE SONG IS PLAYING ON FUSE RIGHT NOW AND MY EARS ARE BLEEDING!! Ahem, sry bout that, I really think they suck though. I was supposed to go to the movies with Katie and Kate and maybe Megs and Mole but i think i was in the shower when Katie came to put me up. Oh well, I never even heard of the movie we were gonna see, lol. WAIT! Nevermind! Katie just IMed me with the game plan for today, im so paranoid. you people who know who i like, well im not really sure i like him anymore, or more so, i think i like someone else even more. some people know who that person is too, but im not telling anyone else other than the people who already know. GAH! Fuse's music is getting really crappy, either that or my taste in music is changing. Spring break has been uber boring so far, infact so boring that I've finished a novel, played pokemon crystal version on my gameboy till the batteries ran out and read all my SAT crap. TV's so boring for me, i dont really find it entertaining anymore, i really dont find anything entertaining anymore. i drew this really pretty picture last night and i was gonna scan it to work in psp8 but my dad took his ntbk to work with him to work. i was gonna scan it into my ntbk but once i hooked it up, it said i needed the software and so i practically tore up my dads office to find it and i still dont know where it is. GAH! my cat keeps on walking on the keyboard! im sooooooo bored........im gonna go make popcorn..........

GAH!

2005-03-10T08:09:00.000-05:00

GAH! I'm really starting to like someone, but I don't want to like him cause I know I'm just gonna be crushed cause I know a lot of girls who like him already. Some know who it is others can just guess, if ya wanna know for sure, just ask me over aim or summin. But anyway, he makes me laugh, like I'll be sitting alone in class and he'll come up to me and say or do something so stupid it makes me laugh. I'm never sure of my emotions, so I'm not sure if I just want to be really good friends with him, or if I really like him...

Real and Fake is Bull Crap

2005-03-06T20:57:00.000-05:00

Two questions: What the frickin hell is a real person? What about a fake person?

Seriously people! We're all human, whether we say we're a witch or a werewolf or something. They say preps are fake; how are they fake? Are they made of plastic with wires and gears on the inside? They're human and they bleed red too. Some say individualsts and nonconformists are real. Really, other than the fact that they wear different clothes and have different outer appearences, they bleed red and have real emotins. We all have a personality, we all feel emotions and are a part of the human race no matter how different on the outside we maybe! Some say that certain people don't have "true emotions", but they do! For example, even though a girl might say she loves a guy and acts all stalkerish and people say shes just obsessed, its still a form of love, just a very creepy screwed up form. I'm only 13 and I'm inexperienced in this world, but does anybody really know if there even is a real and fake human?

More Poems

2005-03-05T21:43:00.000-05:00

"To the One I Love"

Not being able to talk to you,
it kills me,
though you cannot see.
Not hearing your voice,
makes me deaf,
I can only hear you.
Not being with you,
I go numb.
I want your presence.
You not knowing that
I feel this way,
makes me want to die.
831
I love you

"Your World"

You're dropping your world
onto my shoulders.
Your world is
heavier than others,
so take it off.
Keep it to yourself,
'cause I don't want it.
I have my own world
burdening me.
Do you really think
I want yours too?
If you hate
your world so much
to give it to me,
then give it to someone
who doesnt have a world
and create a new one.
Just don't leave it with me

Interview

2005-03-05T19:08:00.000-05:00

Interview With Aku Noir by Moe

Moe: What would you do if you were dead?
Aku Noir: I dunno, probably lie in my casket.

M: What would you do if you were dead and got goobers all over your arm?
AN: I dunno, probably lie in my casket.

M: What would you do if a bug crawled on you if you were dead?
AN: I dunno, probably lie in my casket.

M: What would you do if your foot fell off right after you died?
AN: I dunno, probably lie in my casket, while missing a foot.

M: What would you do if you could ride your dog while you were dead?
AN: Be limp.

M: What would you do if you were lying in your casket while the lid was open and they hadn't put the dirt over you yet and your dog came up and put his head over the hole and did a big goober and landed on your face?
AN: I dunno, probably lie in my casket.

M: Why did you die?
An: I'm not dead you dumbass!

M: Shut up bitch!
AN: Why does everyone frickin call me a bitch?!?!

M: It's true! Everyone does call you a bitch! Are you writing down everything we're saying now?
AN: Yeah, duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh.

M: *slaps AN's arm then slaps her own leg* What was that for?
AN: I dunno you did it to yourself.

M: What ever happened to the interview?
AN: I seriously dont know.

(The rest of this interview has been cut and burned in the evil flames of the non-existent hell)

I hate......

2005-03-05T01:06:00.000-05:00

Here's everything I currently I hate and why....
-...Shallow guys. On the activity bus there was this one really annoying dude here's the convo:
Dude: Are you goth?
Me: No
Dude: Oh, well goth people are cool
Me: I dont give a shit
Dude: You're hot
Me: Go screw yourself
Dude: Your charming
Me: I kno
Dude: My friends think you're hot
Me: I'll call them when I care
Dude: But you dont have their phone numbers
Me: My point exactly
I really don't know why it bugs me when people say I'm hot, but it really just bugs me. Maybe cause I don't know how to take a compliment, w/e.

-...the word "chink." Yesterday on the bus we were talking about Gwen Stefani and Chris said "Gwen Stefani has chinks in her music video." I kicked him.

-...Mrs. Valella's class. I hate reading with a strong passion. I'm still working on chapter 13 and we're like on chapter 24!

-...science. My grade probably sucks real bad in that class. I still have some worm pages due!!

-...being in love. It only hurts.

Well thats about all for now.

I think the apocalypse is coming

2005-02-28T20:05:00.000-05:00

OMFG!! Guess what??? It's like the best day of my life that I never thought would come! I grew!! I'm 61 inches tall now, thats 5' 1"!!!!!!! Notice "1"!!!!!! wOOt!! and thats without my shoes on, whee I'm so happy! :p

Dream #2

2005-02-27T13:31:00.000-05:00

Last night I had the a reall weird dream. There were Nazis raiding Florida, so me Kira jake m and some other kid got on our bikes and were riding away from wherever we were. i forget what happened in between except for me and the other kid whom i dont remember so ill just call him Fred, got seperated from Kira and Jake. Then we caught up with them at this weird shabby looking restraunt. and as we were about to leave the restraunt, onse again, me and fred got left behind because michael jackson and a bunch of scary men in black stopped us. then elvis presley came to our rescue and distracted jackson as we got away. Then we caught up with Kira and Jake again at our school and i was really tired so i fell asleep out side of a classroom. and then christian m kicked me to wake me up and i found kira jake and fred and we went into this one room were it was really dark and scary. there was this huge city like thing in the middle with these tracks stretching outward from it. there was a set of tracks above and below the city with several mine cars on them. i was in one of the mine cars on the top, and we had to throw these bomb things on the people below us. then my car got hit and i fell on a part of a building in the dark city. then there was this huge explosion and aa whole load of debris fell on me. then i remember someone digging me out of the pile and it was Tidus from FFX. Then Lulu took me and Yuna to this weird building and she climbed on this rope and hopped on this plank things up high, suspended from the ceiling. then she she had to swind the plank and jump to another larger plank to get to her "office" which was a desk and a computer on the larger plank, then i woke up.

Dream #1

2005-02-27T13:24:00.000-05:00

Well on Friday night I did the rose petal thing I was upposed to do and if you don;t know the thing its : If a girl sleeps with a rose petal under her pillow, she'll dream of them man she'll marry. Well, my dream was really weird, first, i was kicking somebody's instrument carrier thing for band at school. then i decided to go out to the soccer field and once i was inside the gate, it was no longer a the soccer field. if you've ever seen "Kino's Journey", the part where Kino is reminicing about how she met Hermies and was lying in the feild of red flowers, that's what it looked like. there was this silhouette guy kinda tall-ish and hair gently blowing in the breeze (very fantasy like, i know) his back was facing me but his head was turned looking at me. then i woke up, it was weird.....

Melancholy

2005-02-25T21:58:00.000-05:00

Feeling very pained right now

Dakishimetai

2005-02-25T00:33:00.000-05:00

"Dakishimeai" form Super Gals

I hate it, you're always smiling.
Such a strong, cute and popular person.
I hate it, I am slow, a dunce.
No one needs me at all...
You're always skilled and don't seem to have weak points.
I'm sure you often make fun of people like me.
Actually, I want to try talking to you.
I think, maybe we can become friends.

You, whom I've always envied,
Were trembling by yourself, crying hurt.

Hey, have you ever been scared and all alone?
I guess everyone can be miserable and weak...
If I had more courage,
I would've hugged you tight.

"I'm certain we can talk about a lot of things." And,
Little by little our time ran out.
Why? I can't hear you, you're breaking up.
I was having such a good time too...

You, who could weep when scared,
Smiled all the time,
For show only.

Hey, I've been scared and all alone, too.
Miserable with my insignificance.
If I had more courage...
I would've hugged you tight.

Just imagine it and you won't be alone.
Close off your ears, and see with your heart.
See, who will have tears today?
Like the wind, I will envelop you...

Hey, have you ever been scared and all alone?
I guess everyone can be miserable and weak...
If I had more courage,
I would've hugged you tight.
Hey, I've been scared and all alone, too.
Miserable with my insignificance.
If I had more courage,
I would've hugged you tight.

Hey,
Everyone can feel like they're alone.
That's why we get scared.
There's nothing to be afraid of, though.
I will be there to hug you tight.

Expression

2005-02-24T21:16:00.000-05:00

It's so weird, i wanted this just to be a personal little blog for my friends online to read and stuff. And I want to be able to express how I feel about people on here too, but so many people read my blog, I can't. I want to write about anything that bugs me about someone, or how im in love with somebody. But I cant, cause im scared of people telling and scared of being hated. Yeah, I hear "Oh, i promise i wont tell anyone!" Seriously! What naive retard would believe that if a person wrote that on a comment?!?! I just want to express how i feel about certain people..........

Poems

2005-02-22T17:57:00.000-05:00

Here are a few poems by me, don't worry im not suicidal or anything.

"Crimson Tears"

I do not cry.
No salty tears
run down my cheeks.

My wrists cry for me.
They cry their crimson tears
whenever I need them to.

Red rivers form,
their delta empties out
on the coldness
of the crust
of this world.

"Tell Me"

Tell me
that I'm beautiful,
that I'm priceless to you,
that I'm worth something.

Tell me
that you care for me,
that you want to be with me,
that you love me.

I want to hear those things,
from you
and only you.

Tell me anything,
but,
you hate me.

"Ditch Her"

If loving her hurts so bad,
then why do you continue to do so?

If she keeps on hurting you,
to hell with her,
go after me.

Why can't you see past her
And see me waiting for your embrace?

She's doesn't want you,
but I do,
so come to me.

"Understand"

Could You ever understand?
No You couldn't.
Not if You wanted to,
Not even if You tried.

I want You to
stop lying,
to everyone
and Yourself.

Maybe then,
You will understand.

"Would You"

If I told you the truth,

Would
you
hate me?

Would
you
cry?

If I showed you the real me,

Would
you
reject me?

Would
you
smile?

I would show
you,
tell
you;

But I am
Scared.

"Beautiful Heart"

What if
every heart in this world
were to be beautiful?

What type of
World
would that be?

Is there even
such thing
as a beautiful heart?

Will you tell me
if you know?

"Don't Ask Me"

Why must you know?
Can't you just leave me alone?

I don't want to answer you.
The question is too hard.
I don't know the answer.

Stop pressuring me.
I don't want to tell you.

Ask someone smart,
Anyone but me.

"Trust Me"

I may not trust you,
but you can trust me.

Who do I have to tell?
Nobody.

They say,
If you trust more,
you'll have more friends.

They don't know,
that trust
isn't something
I have to give.

I might not tell you everything,
but you'll learn more
as time goes on.

I'll be there for you
to listen,
to understand.

Trust me

i hate jazz sneakers

2005-02-21T22:16:00.000-05:00

first my flag is out to get and now my jazz sneakers! i was pulling one of them off in the car after our sucky but fun performance, and it hit me in the nose and it started bleeding ,lol

i hate flags

2005-02-20T11:56:00.000-05:00

i just busted my lip doing a flag trick.................ouch

Confused

2005-02-19T12:02:00.000-05:00

Dammit!! I've always known my mom wasn't treated nicely by my dad sometimes, but now it's getting worse and worse. Mom said a divorce is an option right now, I don't know what to think.....

GNOMES!!

2005-02-19T11:38:00.000-05:00

OMG KATIE!! THE GNOMES ARE OUT TO GET ME TOO! THEY STOLE MY INTREM REPORT LAST NIGHT WHILE I WAS SLEEPING!!!

Home

2005-02-18T23:41:00.000-05:00

WAH! Me and Katie are so freaking depressed!! We miss CCO so frickin bad!! For anyone who doesn't know what CCO is, its the bestest camp ever! I miss the hott counselors, like Juri. Hahaha Katie, "WHERE THE HELL IS JURI?!?!" and Jake was really funny with the cow suit, lol. And that one other guy at the front of the cafeteria when we would wash our hands and said, "Cool! You wash your hands fast." lol. Kailin and Allie were s cool and nice, i lost their adresses though. Travis was gay, but funny with "I said like boom chicka boom!" and "Brr! It's cold in here..." lmao. CORNY!! He's like the coolest counselour ever! He rocks!!!!

OMG! The rafting trip!!
1) Matt was hott!
2) "You can surf in a river?"
3) High side, omg that was scary!
4) HAIL!!
5) Noooo! Someone stole our bailing bucket!!

OOOO AND CHEROKEE! I almost forgot them! They were like the highlight of our trip!
- Me: "Con-rin!" Conne-kichii:"Don't call me that!" Me: "But its cute!" Conne-kichii: "Fine! I'll call you Nina then!!"
- SHORTY!!
- Hey! Let's play oboe tag! (It was elbow you dumbass)
- Rawly: OMG I HATED THAT KID!! I cant belive Ellie liked him!
- Egyption Rat Slap (You and your slow reflexes)
- Ping-pong: "OMG! She's evil! She's gonna kill me! DUCK!"
- Shorty Blues
- Shorty in short shorts (AH GOD! MY EYES!!)
- Omg! THat looks like Con-rin!
- Me&Conne-kichii: "Houston sucks!!"
- WAH! The spirit of Conner still haunts me!

I remeber playing camflouge and that guys like "You're mom is gonna be so pissed" lol.
And the first time I took a shower there, the water was warm but all my clothes fell in a huge puddle and i had to run back to the cabin in my towel and it was like 50 degrees outside, lol.
OOOO! And meal times were so cool!!
- Cherokee: HEY CROW!
Crow: HEY WHAT?
Cherokee: SING US A LOVE SONG!!
Crow: WHAT??!!
Cherokee: SING US A LOVE SONG!!
Crow: NO WAY!!
Cherokee: SING US A LOVE SONG!!
Crow: NO WAY!!
Cherokee: SING US A LOVE SONG!!
Crow: OK!!
Crow: I love you, you love me. We're a happy family.....

hahaha! ooo! and....
Crow: HEY CHEROKEE!
Cherokee: HEY WHAT?
Crow: SING US A SONG FROM A COMMERCIAL!!
Cherokee: WHAT??!!
Crow: SING US A SONG FROM A COMMERCIAL!!
Cherokee: Uh... WE DON'T KNOW ANY!!
Crow: SING US A SONG FROM A COMMERCIAL!!
Cherokee: NO WAY!!
Crow: SING US A SONG FROM A COMMERCIAL!!
Cherokee: NO WAY!!
Crow: SING US A SONG FROM A COMMERCIAL!!
Cherokee: OK!!
Cherokee: Wanta Fanta dontchu wanta wanta fanta....

OOO! Ellies quote:
How to squat. Pull down your pants, face downhill and let it fly!!

Lol, and there was so much more but I can't seem to remember, lol. I'll add to this post later if i remember anything...

2005-02-17T19:31:00.000-05:00

http://www.mulletsgalore.com/

Haha! this site is great!!

Lmfao!!

Enjoy

Thespians do it on stage

2005-02-16T18:50:00.000-05:00

Whee! I love acting so much! Annie auditions are coming up next week and i want to be prepared. I've been continuosly been singing "tomorrow" and "maybe" and reading off all the lines in my libretto book. I never really found something I've wanted to continue with in the future, but when i joined drama this year, i loved it right away! its the only time i can be loud and bold, make people laugh or cry and act how i cant infront of other people. i love karate too, but i get tired of it sometimes, but with acting i could sit with my script or vocal book and practice for hours and hours. i know in most movies and crap, the theatre people are geeks, but i seriously would continue acting if it meant the downfall of my almots non-existenet reputation.

If only Hell were real....paradise....

2005-02-14T19:14:00.000-05:00

It's amazing that in less than 24 hours, life can go from liveable to the point where the unreal hell looks like a peaceful paradise....................

Valentines..... The Normal Day

2005-02-14T07:36:00.000-05:00

Whee................ It's just another ordinary day, nothing special about this day that's supposedly romantic.......... who the hell founded valentines day anyway? if its such a big "holiday" how come we have school? it's so gay.......

The Sun'll Come Out Tomorrow........... Hopefully

2005-02-13T22:31:00.000-05:00

Ladedadeda..... just sitting here in bed listening to the tunes of Sum 41 and being mad at my dad for reading my blog........

Anniversary

2005-02-13T13:25:00.000-05:00

Yay! Today's the 13th! My anniversary for coming to America. If anyone doesn't know my story, here it goes:

I was born on October 16th, 1991 in Seoul, Sout Korea, weighing in about 4 lbs and 6 oz. I was a pre-mie, and was supposed to be born on November 30. My name was Soh-Young Jung. My birth mother loved me very much, but couldn't keep me due to money problems and my birth father ran off to live in the city. There were many people in line to adopt me, and my parents now were 16th in line. But on th 18th of December, the judge approved the adoption documents of my current folks, because it was christmas time, and the agency was being generous. On Febuary 13th, 1992, I arrived in a plane with another Korean girl (by the way, I was so much cuter than she was, j/k) , in Washington DC.

And there's my story!

The End

It sucks not being trusted

2005-02-12T20:07:00.000-05:00

I hate my dad! I usually hate him but this just makes me hate him even more!! Ok, he went into my history and said he found porn and chatrooms. First, I'm a girl. Porn is frickin nasty and degrading of women, they should be ashamed. Second, they were probably just pop-ups. Third, i've never been in an online chatroom. If my dad thinks a forum is a chatroom, he's a retard. Anyway, he blocked everywebsite there is to know and now I have to type in a password if i want to visit any place, but I dont know the password. Thankfully, I have a good friend who sent me a file over AIM to download a new server, hehe! In your face dad!! Thanks bozu! But, now I cant watch TV, my privacy will be invaded every week, and Im no longer trusted by either of my folks.

Thief

2005-02-11T07:54:00.000-05:00

Why do you do this to me?
Even though it's unintentional,
It hurts and breaks me.
You take everything,
and I mean everything
and anything
I love and care about.
You'll never give them back either.
Why is it that no one can see,
But me,
The thief under your beautiful mask?
You have everything I've ever wanted.
You took the only things I ever had.

You're kind to me,
Yet I'm mad at you.
It's not your fault you taking what I love.
I guess,
It's my fault own for never doing anything about it.

Help me,
You are causing my drowning.

Harm me,
please do, I deserve it.

Save me,
Reach out a hand and please grab mine,
Before I fall out of reach.

Hate me,
I need it, so you might as well.

Make your choice,
And don't wait too long.
I'll be waiting here on the edge.

Headache

2005-02-10T20:38:00.000-05:00

I have this awful headache but i dont know why................... my chest hurts.............. maybe im sick............my head feels like its gonna explode...........

Surfinf is fun and scary

2005-02-09T18:33:00.000-05:00

I went out surfung with my dad today and boy were the waves huge! Usually here in Florida you'd never see waves as big as they were today! It was like freaking Hawaii!! Anyway, I caught a few waves then headed in and a huge swell came behind me and hopped my board and got caught in the undertoe and i was underwater for a while and got scrathed up too. But it was fun and the water was pretty warm, unless all the fricking northerners pissed in the water.

Villian

2005-02-07T07:40:00.000-05:00

i hate being the villian, but in this situation i am. i went out with a guy whos pretty popular, and by popular i mean he has his own little fan club. i broke up with him about month after he asked me out, because i knew he wasn't the one. many girls didnt like me, but even more started to dislike me when i broke up with him, cuase one, i went out with him and two, even though i did break up with him he only had eyes for me . ya, i know i hurt him a lot, but tell me which is worse: breaking up with that person? or being with that person under false emotions? anyway, i read his blog entry on his break up depression and then i read all the comments. i read a few that said "shes not worth you" and i know they were trying to make him feel better but i makes me feel worse. hes one of my very close friends and i care about him a lot and knowing im the one causing all his pain, makes me feel really bad. then other people calling me worthless when i already feel worthless is just basically kicking and spitting on a homeless person sleeping on a vent in washington dc. hes popular and has many people who care about him (though he may not see it) i hear "jonathans so sad now! i feel so bad for him" but, nobody even thinks im in any sort of pain and no one cares that i feel bad though now, cause nobody has any sympathy for the villian.

My Dream

2005-02-07T01:01:00.000-05:00

if i were to reach
my dream
right at this
moment,
then
what would my dream be?

I Wanna Be Famous

2005-01-23T12:53:00.000-05:00

It sounds weird that a person like me would want to be a broadway actress, but I love preforming and having and audience. Though I'm only 13, I'm looking through my Educational Opportunity Guide that I got from taking the SAT, boy was that a hard test! Anyways, I'm looking at all of the schools and camps that offer any types of programs in drama, music, theatre, creative writing, poetry, visual arts, drawing and computers. I want to go to a boarding school of the arts when I'm in 14 or 15. My folks were thinking of sending me out to London as an exchange student when I get older, but I really want to got to a school of the arts. I know it costs a lot of money but I'm willing to do anything right now to go. I know if I could pay for a camp first and see how I like the school grounds and if I like it, I could beg my folks. I doubt they'd say yes but I'll find a way to get to where I want to be.

The Stoner

2005-01-21T17:54:00.000-05:00

All thanx to my ex, mom thinks im a stoner. i cant believe she doesnt trust me! i've never even seen a joint or any type of illegal drug in my life! Well, my friend did tell my that if i burned Hemp string (i have this weird habit of calling it hemp weed, lol) that it could be sum sort of drug. But anyways, it sucks not being trusted. I know its hard for the everyones I dont trust, but it is really hard to fully trust someone. But it just really bugs me how just the way i dress and act make people think im a bad kid, when im not. I also hate racist people, like the wiggers and homies in my 7th period. They call me a witch and they think im gonna cast a spell on them, lol. But im not even goth or punk and definately not emo, im just me i guess....

Mansonism

2005-01-20T07:43:00.000-05:00

I'm an athiest, but if I had to choose a religion or make up my own I would be Mansonic. Something i made up a little while ago where Marilyn Manson would be my own "Personal Jesus." I would want to meet him and write a whole journal on stories about him and quotes, kinda like a Bible only for Mansonism. I would call the book The Indivorg. Later, when Marilyn dies and I die, my Indivorg would be found and people will convert to Mansonism and the songs they world sing would be ones that are sang by Marilyn Manson. Then they would make a pilgrimage to his grave and meditate there for 3 days straight. The thing like a church, I would call it a sanctive. I'm weird, aren't I?

I Don't Have Everything

2005-01-19T18:51:00.000-05:00

They say,
"You seem to have
everything."

But
Tell me,
What is the point
Of having everything,
But then is
Taken away from you?

And I don't
Have everything,
The things money
Can't buy.

I do not have
Courage,
or strength.
I do not have
Beauty,
or personality.

But I can tell you
What I do have.
I have loneliness,
and selfishness.
I have hatred,
and fear.

They say,
"You go
So many places."

But I tell you
These are the places
I never really wanted
to see.
Did you ever want
To move far away?

But I want to see
Something different.
Somewhere, where you don't
Have to pay for a plane ticket.

I haven't seen
Happiness,
or satisfaction.
I have not seen
Trust,
or respect.

But I can tell you
Where I have been,
And what I have seen.
I've seen hell,
and tradjedy.
I've seen torture,
and terror.

So now you know,
I don't have everything
And,
That I've never been
To some of the supposedly
Great places of the mind.

But,
Maybe you can give me
These things I don't have
And,
Take me to the places
I've never been.

Confusion&Drowning

2005-01-19T10:57:00.000-05:00

Confused,
Right at this moment.
What is it
That I'm feeling?
Am I jealous?
Am I mad
Just because
I have no one
who cares anymore?
Yeah,
That's it.
I know it is.

*~*~*~*

The undertoe caught me.
I'm being carried
Out to sea.
Sinking under
The surface,
Away from the real world.
Falling into
The abyss.
The darkness of the abyss.
I'm drowning,
But can anyone
Help me?
No,
I've fallen to far.